Psychic X, October 2005
OCTOBER 2005
(ok, I know it's november, but why not take a walk down memory lane and remeber how right I was about October? I'll get your new horoscope to you as soon as I get rid of the scorpion in my pants...yes, I saw it coming, but being psychic doesn't protect me from the scorpion's wrath. Beware the scorpion)
Greetings from the alert mind of Psychic X...if you would like to be surprised...stop reading this immediately! If you are prepared to know what the future holds for you, gather your courage, and maybe some pretzels, and read on...
ARIES: Stop trying to figure out why you can't seem to stop thinking about Angelina Jolie. Chances are, she'll leave Brad Pitt after about a year and go back to Billy Bob Thorton...that's you, isn't it? She still sleeps with the blood necklace under her pillow.
TAURUS: Maybe you want to become an Animagus because you secretly think the Harry Potter books are real life accounts and you'll become the patronus of a cute little British orphan someday...but NO! Do not be decieved. Gary Oldman is REAL and he only did that Sci-Fi movie because he wanted to send his daughter to college and by a hybrid car. Gary cares about you, too. Don't turn into a monkey. Not yet.
GEMINI: Psychic X knows that sometimes you feel like Judy Garland and Joan Crawford are having a bitch fight in your head. Well, they are...just make sure to sleep sitting up and take a highball and an eightball in the morning. Your headache will eventually go away.
PISCES: I have seen the future...and Christian Slater's career is still going down the toilet. Did you see that last film? He played an FBI agent and was killed in a liquid nitrogen accident. His torso broke in half. That was no stunt double. Beware any large tanks full of liquid nirigen that look badly sealed. I know you were thinking about joining the FBI, but wouldn't you rather audition for The Apprentice? I thought so...
LEO: Jackie Chan is retiring. You will be in the next Jackie Chan/Owen Wilson movie. you will play Owen, Owen will play Jackie.
SAGITTARIUS: If you throw Winona Ryder into a ditch, does she not feel pain? Don't do it. Not really because of the pain thing, I think she's pretty numbed up. Oh, but you will get caught. Just drop her off at home.
AQUARIUS: Tom cruise and Katie Holmes are actually the same person. Steer clear of the gay bars and your wife won't catch you. Haven't you ever heard of a park? If you need a ride home, see SAGITTARIUS.
CANCER: I see you running through the meadow...it's cold and you're wearing the boots I made for you. Don't forget to bring snacks.
LIBRA: I see a sexy bald man in your future. It's either Skinner from the X-Files, or that guy I've seen you making out with around town. Either way, wait until the 4th date to get married. Go to Disneyland for your honeymoon or there will be cosmic hell to pay.
CAPRICORN:Your career and your love life will co-exist peacefully this month. Make sure to clean out the back seat of your car. Oh, and carry lube. You'll be glad you did.
VIRGO: Have you seen The Aviator yet? I love that Cate Blanchett. I think you will also be doing a strange Katherine Hepburn imitation very, very soon.
SCORPIO: Stay away from lagoons. And tigers. And Soleil Moon Frye.
Celestial Greetings,
Psychic X
(ok, I know it's november, but why not take a walk down memory lane and remeber how right I was about October? I'll get your new horoscope to you as soon as I get rid of the scorpion in my pants...yes, I saw it coming, but being psychic doesn't protect me from the scorpion's wrath. Beware the scorpion)
Greetings from the alert mind of Psychic X...if you would like to be surprised...stop reading this immediately! If you are prepared to know what the future holds for you, gather your courage, and maybe some pretzels, and read on...
ARIES: Stop trying to figure out why you can't seem to stop thinking about Angelina Jolie. Chances are, she'll leave Brad Pitt after about a year and go back to Billy Bob Thorton...that's you, isn't it? She still sleeps with the blood necklace under her pillow.
TAURUS: Maybe you want to become an Animagus because you secretly think the Harry Potter books are real life accounts and you'll become the patronus of a cute little British orphan someday...but NO! Do not be decieved. Gary Oldman is REAL and he only did that Sci-Fi movie because he wanted to send his daughter to college and by a hybrid car. Gary cares about you, too. Don't turn into a monkey. Not yet.
GEMINI: Psychic X knows that sometimes you feel like Judy Garland and Joan Crawford are having a bitch fight in your head. Well, they are...just make sure to sleep sitting up and take a highball and an eightball in the morning. Your headache will eventually go away.
PISCES: I have seen the future...and Christian Slater's career is still going down the toilet. Did you see that last film? He played an FBI agent and was killed in a liquid nitrogen accident. His torso broke in half. That was no stunt double. Beware any large tanks full of liquid nirigen that look badly sealed. I know you were thinking about joining the FBI, but wouldn't you rather audition for The Apprentice? I thought so...
LEO: Jackie Chan is retiring. You will be in the next Jackie Chan/Owen Wilson movie. you will play Owen, Owen will play Jackie.
SAGITTARIUS: If you throw Winona Ryder into a ditch, does she not feel pain? Don't do it. Not really because of the pain thing, I think she's pretty numbed up. Oh, but you will get caught. Just drop her off at home.
AQUARIUS: Tom cruise and Katie Holmes are actually the same person. Steer clear of the gay bars and your wife won't catch you. Haven't you ever heard of a park? If you need a ride home, see SAGITTARIUS.
CANCER: I see you running through the meadow...it's cold and you're wearing the boots I made for you. Don't forget to bring snacks.
LIBRA: I see a sexy bald man in your future. It's either Skinner from the X-Files, or that guy I've seen you making out with around town. Either way, wait until the 4th date to get married. Go to Disneyland for your honeymoon or there will be cosmic hell to pay.
CAPRICORN:Your career and your love life will co-exist peacefully this month. Make sure to clean out the back seat of your car. Oh, and carry lube. You'll be glad you did.
VIRGO: Have you seen The Aviator yet? I love that Cate Blanchett. I think you will also be doing a strange Katherine Hepburn imitation very, very soon.
SCORPIO: Stay away from lagoons. And tigers. And Soleil Moon Frye.
Celestial Greetings,
Psychic X
posted by Syniva at 7:25 PM
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