The Jennifer Aniston Equation
Dear You,
Today I asked myself, "Why do so many people find Jennifer Aniston attractive?" I've thought about this long and hard...o.k., not too hard, I didn't skip my Who's the Boss rerun to speculate or anything. But really, I just don't get it. I find her terribly bland, and well, horsey. And not really a good horsey. Not a plucky Cameron Diaz "NEIGH!!!" horsey. The Cameron equation is such that (C being Cameron)
C=horsey/plucky x semen in the hair + Drew Barrymore affiliation(JT beard girlfriend)=cute in a sleepy sort of way x bland(yet sassy) acting skills= "Attractive."
I thought someone might be able to help me with this new Aniston equation I'm working on, someone with a subscription to In Touch magazine, possibly someone that thinks botox is an organic vitamin supplement.
What is Jennifer's secret. She is incredibley beige. That's all I have. Maybe that's her secret? I'm sure we can come up with a proof that qualifies her grip on the public psyche...maybe she's a warlock... or something really sinister, like a Swedish ninja. Let me know when the realization strikes you, even if you're on the crapper. I promise to keep you "abreast" of Aniston developments, my sweet little buttery crescent rolls.
Friends and a hot plate,
bruce.
Today I asked myself, "Why do so many people find Jennifer Aniston attractive?" I've thought about this long and hard...o.k., not too hard, I didn't skip my Who's the Boss rerun to speculate or anything. But really, I just don't get it. I find her terribly bland, and well, horsey. And not really a good horsey. Not a plucky Cameron Diaz "NEIGH!!!" horsey. The Cameron equation is such that (C being Cameron)
C=horsey/plucky x semen in the hair + Drew Barrymore affiliation(JT beard girlfriend)=cute in a sleepy sort of way x bland(yet sassy) acting skills= "Attractive."
I thought someone might be able to help me with this new Aniston equation I'm working on, someone with a subscription to In Touch magazine, possibly someone that thinks botox is an organic vitamin supplement.
What is Jennifer's secret. She is incredibley beige. That's all I have. Maybe that's her secret? I'm sure we can come up with a proof that qualifies her grip on the public psyche...maybe she's a warlock... or something really sinister, like a Swedish ninja. Let me know when the realization strikes you, even if you're on the crapper. I promise to keep you "abreast" of Aniston developments, my sweet little buttery crescent rolls.
Friends and a hot plate,
bruce.
posted by Syniva at 10:43 PM
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