Tom cruise stars in a gay comedy. Again.

My dear little crescent rolls,

I apologize for my silence. A week long vacation on Fire Island turned into more of a being held captive for months in a room full of Crisco and cotton candy sort of thing. I'm alive, but the dry cleaning list is quite long. Bruce is back and ready for some graceful action. I missed you too, my stupid little kittens...

Ok, so, I haven't seen the movie yet, dear reader. As a general rule I'm full of...wait, a sec. Hold on. My pants just fell down a little bit. Damn Juicy Couture. But, wait...oh yes, Tom. Tommasino. The Tom in Tomkat. We all know you don't just dump Nicole Kidman with your adopted children and knock up a recent grad for no apparent reason. Not that we all don't have our homosexual reasons for doing that. They're usually fun ones involving lube. But after the laughter fades, you find yourself alone and naked on the couch watching the rooftop scene of Moulin Rouge over and over again, stuffin' your face full of placenta.

But, really, Scientology (a.k.a....Stress Test, anyone? Anyone?) indicates a fun state of mind. God Bless America. You know why? Mr. Hubbard requires that we all breed robot children to fight the impending alien invasion. What's more fun than a grand ol' invasion? So get ready, dump your lezzer wife and hit the local university...pick up some fertile hips, maybe a few snacks. The time has come, dear reader. Mission Impossible 3 may be the last great gay comedy of our time. Keep your eyes on the heavens and get ready for the fight you Tomkats, you. The aliens on Fabulon 6 are just waiting until we run out of gasoline. I think that's going to happen sometime next week. So, you know...

love and jiu jitsu,

bruce.




(photo courtesy of Syniva Whitney)