psychic x returns
MAY 2009
(ok, I know it's been a few years...I got back from my vision quest as soon as I could. You know when people tell you that the desert loves no one? That includes psychics. I did indeed get rid of the scorpion in my pants...yes, I told you I saw it coming, but I really didn't see where it was going after that since I blacked out. I woke up and found myself on a beach in Hawaii with a margarita (blended, no salt) in my hand. Hmm. Beware the scorpion)
Greetings from the alert mind of Psychic X...if you would like to be surprised...stop reading this immediately! If you are prepared to know what the future holds for you, gather your courage, and maybe a cigarette, and read on...
ARIES: 2+2 does not always equal 4...or does it? This week you will be astounded by the amazing places blatant stupidity can take you. Like into the movie theater to actually pay to see Beyonce in Obsessesd.
TAURUS: Your recent fascination with man-imals will lead to many botched science experiements. It may also lead you to grow an excessive amount of hair and develop a "Jekyl and Hyde" issue. In your case, something more like "Elmo and Bea Arthur"
GEMINI: Psychic X knows that sometimes you feel a nostalgic yearning for the television of olde: Magnum PI, The Waltons, Hawaii 5 O, Little House on the Prairie, just to name a few. Don't worry, they're re-making everything these days, and the budgets are shrinking so I'm sure they'll come up with some sort of pioneer vampire cop show staring Tom Selleck. Oh, wait, Twilight came out a while back already, didn't it?
PISCES: I have seen the future...and Christian Bale will be there to save us all as old John Connor in Terminator:Salvation. I'm afraid he may not remember to text you to let you know he's on his way.
LEO: Oprah will give you a new car, house, snack, drug, and road trip all while managing to make you feel bad about your fluctuating weight.
SAGITTARIUS: Ellen just celebrated her 1000th episode while dancing and and humping the air to a crowd full of women hot for her mojo. You will also be celebrating the 1000th episode of the sitcom that's been playing in your head for the last 12 years. You didn't see that coming, did you? Who knew whip cream could even do that?
AQUARIUS: Wear sunscreen this week and you will be sure to avoid the calamity I see in your near future. Be sure to get SPF 10000 and it might not be a bad idea to go in on some gas masks and build a bunker type thing in your house. Oh, wait... my mistake....that won't happen until 20009, not 2009!!! HA!!!!These funny psychic things KILL me!
CANCER: Aiiiieee!Aiiieeee! OHHHHHHHHHHHH! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Beep. Your future looks bright. You'd better wear shades.
LIBRA: I see a sexy Brad Pitt type in your future. Don't let him adopt all your kids. Not yet. Wait until he promises to apologize for Benjamin Button.
CAPRICORN: You know the saying "Mo' money, mo' problems?". It's a load of crap. sell out as soon as the opportunity arises.
VIRGO: You will receive a visit from your spirit guide while watching the final season of the L Word. Your spirit guide will. in fact, be played by Jennifer Beale.
SCORPIO: Stay away from bears. And books. And Ryan Seacrest.
xoxo,
x
(ok, I know it's been a few years...I got back from my vision quest as soon as I could. You know when people tell you that the desert loves no one? That includes psychics. I did indeed get rid of the scorpion in my pants...yes, I told you I saw it coming, but I really didn't see where it was going after that since I blacked out. I woke up and found myself on a beach in Hawaii with a margarita (blended, no salt) in my hand. Hmm. Beware the scorpion)
Greetings from the alert mind of Psychic X...if you would like to be surprised...stop reading this immediately! If you are prepared to know what the future holds for you, gather your courage, and maybe a cigarette, and read on...
ARIES: 2+2 does not always equal 4...or does it? This week you will be astounded by the amazing places blatant stupidity can take you. Like into the movie theater to actually pay to see Beyonce in Obsessesd.
TAURUS: Your recent fascination with man-imals will lead to many botched science experiements. It may also lead you to grow an excessive amount of hair and develop a "Jekyl and Hyde" issue. In your case, something more like "Elmo and Bea Arthur"
GEMINI: Psychic X knows that sometimes you feel a nostalgic yearning for the television of olde: Magnum PI, The Waltons, Hawaii 5 O, Little House on the Prairie, just to name a few. Don't worry, they're re-making everything these days, and the budgets are shrinking so I'm sure they'll come up with some sort of pioneer vampire cop show staring Tom Selleck. Oh, wait, Twilight came out a while back already, didn't it?
PISCES: I have seen the future...and Christian Bale will be there to save us all as old John Connor in Terminator:Salvation. I'm afraid he may not remember to text you to let you know he's on his way.
LEO: Oprah will give you a new car, house, snack, drug, and road trip all while managing to make you feel bad about your fluctuating weight.
SAGITTARIUS: Ellen just celebrated her 1000th episode while dancing and and humping the air to a crowd full of women hot for her mojo. You will also be celebrating the 1000th episode of the sitcom that's been playing in your head for the last 12 years. You didn't see that coming, did you? Who knew whip cream could even do that?
AQUARIUS: Wear sunscreen this week and you will be sure to avoid the calamity I see in your near future. Be sure to get SPF 10000 and it might not be a bad idea to go in on some gas masks and build a bunker type thing in your house. Oh, wait... my mistake....that won't happen until 20009, not 2009!!! HA!!!!These funny psychic things KILL me!
CANCER: Aiiiieee!Aiiieeee! OHHHHHHHHHHHH! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Beep. Your future looks bright. You'd better wear shades.
LIBRA: I see a sexy Brad Pitt type in your future. Don't let him adopt all your kids. Not yet. Wait until he promises to apologize for Benjamin Button.
CAPRICORN: You know the saying "Mo' money, mo' problems?". It's a load of crap. sell out as soon as the opportunity arises.
VIRGO: You will receive a visit from your spirit guide while watching the final season of the L Word. Your spirit guide will. in fact, be played by Jennifer Beale.
SCORPIO: Stay away from bears. And books. And Ryan Seacrest.
xoxo,
x
posted by Syniva at 12:19 PM
1 Comments:
Hey, Psychic X! Woo-hoo and Yey! What? Are you lost in the desert without a long enough ethernet cable again? If you don't mind, could I request another star reading? May I make requests upon what the reading might focus? May I request a reading on my futures with paranoia driven music lyric interpretation, random celebrity encounters, and cake? Thanks! --Your ever-devoted reader, The Frisco Squid
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